A Christmas Story: “I didn’t say ‘fudge’.”
#Hindsighters, by this point you’re well aware that Darth and Jason enjoy ruining your favorite childhood films. To that end, how could the director of Porky’s NOT be responsible for one of the most beloved Christmas movies of all time? It’s only natural to graduate from glory holes and move on to what Jason calls “the Shark Week of Christmas.”
On the very first Christmas episode of your favorite podcast, Darth, Jason, and Meg discuss one of the most nostalgic Christmas movies in the history of cinema. On the subject of nostalgia, #Hindsighters, don’t you miss the pre-Internet days of paddle spankings and soap sucking? Asking for a friend.
Despite the fact that Jason is TOTALLY Old Man Parker, your beloved podcasters have no special love for A Christmas Story. They’re lying; everyone and their mom loves this movie. Anyone who says differently is selling something, and it’s probably Ovaltine. Allow Darth and Jason to dispel the inappropriate rumor you’ve all heard about A Christmas Story: Peter Billingsley is NOT an “above average” porn star; however, Scott Schwartz may have dipped his toe into the porn pool. Regardless, don’t allow this to sour your holiday season. You can rest easy knowing that Ralphie never sold his body to the smut industry.
Beyond avoiding a career in porn, A Christmas Story taught us important life lessons:
- Never confuse mashed potatoes with asbestos. It’s honestly safer to shoot your eye out with your favorite bb gun.
- Sitting on a strange man’s lap is awkward, even when that strange man is Santa Clause.
Haunting your best friend is the only acceptable career option after you die.